in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
