Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I can text with my tongue
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
