I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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