this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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