where am i from again
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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