She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
