Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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