I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
this beer tastes like vomit already
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
