I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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