yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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