He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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