were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
