Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
