He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
