Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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