so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
