have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
