i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
