I cannot find my penis.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
