I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
