i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
