I'm eating all of the evidence.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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