I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
