it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Barsexuality is the new black.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
