Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
