you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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