some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
