Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
