if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
