Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hippo gnu deer
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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