I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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