Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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