Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
