Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I wish I only lived at night.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
