My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
