This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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