guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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