My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Will you blow on my dice?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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