Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
