i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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