Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize