my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
