I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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