Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
