Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
