Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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