Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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