i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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