your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
