rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
