how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize