He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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