You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
