you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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