I heard we made out
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
When are your genitals available?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
