I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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