So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
