I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
