So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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