i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I wish they made helmets for livers.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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