I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
