areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just high enough for therapy.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
