people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
