never play flip cup with pint glasses
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
