Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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