She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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