I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
