I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
