Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
