just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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