When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You were trust falling into bushes
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
