He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
