Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
