I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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