He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
