The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
